When Negative Thoughts Take Over: How to Challenge and Reframe Your Thinking
Thousands of thoughts can move through our minds throughout the day.
Some pass quickly. Others seem to stick.
Maybe you've noticed thoughts that change the way you see yourself, other people, or what's happening around you.
"I can't do this."
"I'm not good enough."
"I always mess things up."
"What if something goes wrong?"
When thoughts like these show up repeatedly, they can begin to influence our emotions, behaviors, relationships, and even the way we experience ourselves.
But what would happen if you became curious about those thoughts instead of automatically accepting them as true? What might change if you learned to pause, examine the thought, and practice responding to it differently? What if you could reframe your thinking?
Your Thoughts Can Be Influenced by Your Experiences
The way we think doesn't develop in isolation.
Our experiences, relationships, stress, difficult seasons, messages we've received from others, and the environments we've lived in can all influence the beliefs and thought patterns we develop over time.
Sometimes those patterns become so familiar that we don't even notice them anymore.
The good news is that our brains continue to learn and change throughout life. Through a process known as neuroplasticity, repeated experiences and practices can support changes in neural pathways over time.
That doesn't mean changing a thought once will immediately change the way you think. It means new ways of thinking can be practiced.
How to Begin to Reframe Your Thinking
Sometimes it can be difficult to capture just one thought, especially when your mind feels like it's moving quickly. Before trying to challenge a thought, it may help to first slow things down.
Breathing, grounding, mindful movement, journaling, or other calming practices may help create enough space to notice what's actually happening in your mind and body.
If you'd like some ideas for this, you can also read my Finding Calm article before practicing the steps below.
Once you feel ready, choose one thought to explore.
Challenging Negative Thoughts
Instead of immediately trying to replace the thought with something positive, start by getting curious about it.
1. What evidence supports this thought, and what evidence doesn't?
Consider the thought: "I can't do this."
Ask yourself whether there are experiences in your life that suggest something more balanced might also be true.
Have you handled something difficult before?
Have you learned something you initially didn't know how to do?
Have you made it through situations you once weren't sure you could manage?
The goal isn't to force yourself into positive thinking. It's to look at the whole picture rather than allowing one thought to tell the entire story.
You may want to journal what you notice so you can return to it when the thought comes up again.
2. What might someone who knows me well say?
Think about someone with whom you have a healthy and supportive relationship. If you told that person, "I can't do this," what might they remind you about yourself?
They may remember strengths, experiences, or accomplishments that are difficult for you to recognize when you're stressed or discouraged. You can actually ask the person, or simply journal what you imagine they might say.
Sometimes another perspective helps us see something we've overlooked.
3. What would be a more balanced thought?
After examining the evidence, ask yourself:
"What could I say to myself that acknowledges the difficulty without assuming the worst?"
Instead of: "I can't do this," you might practice:
"This is difficult, but I can take it one step at a time."
"I've handled difficult things before. I can use what I've learned and ask for help if I need it."
"I don't have to do this perfectly to move forward."
Notice that none of these statements pretend everything is easy. They're simply more balanced thoughts.
Replacing Negative Thoughts With Helpful Affirmations
With practice, you can begin noticing recurring thoughts and intentionally responding to them differently.
Negative thought: "I can't do this."
More balanced response: "This feels difficult, but difficult doesn't mean impossible."
Affirmation: "I can do hard things. Even if I make a mistake, I can learn and grow from it."
The goal isn't to eliminate every negative thought. It's to become more aware of your thinking and develop the ability to decide which thoughts deserve your attention and which ones may need to be questioned.
For Those Who Want Their Christian Faith to be Part of This Practice
Scripture can provide another source of reflection.
Alongside the affirmation above, you might reflect on:
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
Romans 12:2 also speaks about being transformed through the renewing of the mind.
Christian-informed therapy can create space to explore thought patterns while also considering Scripture, prayer, faith, meaning, and your relationship with God when those are important to you.
Faith integration is always based on your preferences and goals.
A Closing Reminder
Learning to recognize and challenge long-standing thought patterns takes practice.
You don't have to get every thought "right."
Sometimes the first step is simply noticing: "I'm having that thought again."
That moment of awareness can create space between the thought and how you respond to it.
And if you're someone who is accustomed to being strong, independent, or figuring things out on your own, asking for support doesn't take those strengths away. Sometimes support simply gives you another place to slow down, unpack what's happening beneath the surface, and understand yourself more fully.
At Beautiful Authenticity Wellness & Clinical Services, I offer whole-person therapy for teen girls and women that may integrate cognitive and strengths-based approaches, somatic work and nervous-system regulation, wellness education, and Christian-informed therapy when desired.
In-person therapy is available in Chandler, Arizona, with telehealth throughout Arizona and California.
